He’s also teaching me a lot about prayer, and persistance in prayer. Pressing on in Prayer. Without it being intentional I spent 15 hours in the War Room (24/7 prayer room) in two days. That was strange. 1. Because I’ve never prayed that much in my entire life, and 2. because I’ve never felt so spiritually spent. Like, it’s a war right, and we’re fighting against satan and his evils and the stuff that gets in the way of God’s glory, so in theory, of course its spiritually exhausting, but whoh was I feeling it at the end of friday. (I was then scheduled in for a 2am-5am the next morning… no wonder I didn’t wake up when my alarm went off!)
I’m also trying to observe community, and figure out what it is and figure out what “Authentic Christian Community” should look like. I don’t think I’ve seen it yet. I’ve been in a few interesting discussions and I’m reading a very good book about it at the moment too. I’m interesting mainly because I love to observe how people interact with one another, and I’m interested to know whether there is some kind of “ideal” in community that we should be striving for. Not that there is a perfect answer or anything, but I feel that there must be some kind of good model, that could be implimented for the benefit of the entire body of Chirst. I dunno, just ideas floating in my head at the moment.
I’m striggling a bit at the moment to know where my place is. And where I “fit”. I dont necessarily feel that I need to “fit in” but at the same time, it’s hard because 3 months is more than just a visit. you have to have some kind of support network and some kind of love system to be a part of so that you don’t crumble right? So do you love people as much as you would at “home” and then have to hurt a lot when you leave. How does it work? I think that I’m loving as much as I can, but I’m not sure how much others are loving me. Maybe, when they ask me “how long are you here for”, and I say, “2 and half months” they switch off the love thing. I dunno. I’m yet to figure out the dynamic of things around here. By some people I feel so loved and valued, and by others I feel like I’m invading their space and just taking up room. i’m sure that it’s not nessicarily their intention to make me feel like that, but thats the way it is. So its really hard. I just feel really lonely, and I dont feel like I should. Hmm. Interesting thoughts. I didn’t realise I felt that way.
Wow, that was a vulnerable moment.
So, there are some of my thoughts, not much in the way of practical update today.
I love Jesus a lot.